Review: The Watchmen

I know there was a lot of hype. I really did have high hopes for this one. As a fan of the graphic novel, I recognized that there was alot the movies would not be able to do (just for sake of time and sensibility). I think my problems come down to whether the movie ought to have been made--the same question the Washington Post raised the day before it's release.

As a rule, movies based on movies stray to far from their original narrative. In this case, the Watchmen didn't do too bad, but it was to the detriment of the movie. What seems cool and exciting in a graphic novel seems...well, kind of slow in a movie. In the graphic novel, the flashbacks are gripping and immerse you in the book. But on set, you just want the action to start. So here it is: the positive three and the negative three:

Positive
(1) It's true to the book- I'd wondered how they were going to spin a book that doesn't have a true antagonist. (spoiler alert: The "bad" guy of the movie never really stopped being good. He just a realized that "save billions" he would have to "kill millions.") It a bit of a statement for moral relativism.
(2) The visuals are stunning- I mean it. If you put screenshots of the movie next to panels from the graphic novel, it is stunning how they recreated these scenes.
(3) The characters are well played- I really did think they'd try to make Night Owl a more attractive protagonist. But they allowed him to be the regular Joe portrayed in the novel. Rorschach is creepy. Silk Spectre is hot. All is as it should be.

Negative
(1) It's true to the book- as I said earlier. Being true to the book really held back the pace of the plot.
(2) The visuals are stunning- so the gratuitous violence and sex are not held back. Now mind you, Alan Moore is the sick dude who had the graphic rape of Batgirl by Joker in Killing Joke, but even the graphic novel was more staid. Did we really need to see the bones coming out of the guys' arms? How about when Dr. Manhatten splats a guy and his body parts are left hanging from the ceiling (not even in the book)? And then of course you get the sex scenes and yessir, it's all there.
(3) The characters are well-played- at least those who appear. The Minuitemen make only a brief appearance and the entire pirate sideplot is gone. Sidebar: The sideplot really helps the viewer understand what the heck is going on in the story. Without it, the ending seems a bit ambiguous.

Grade- C+

100 Confessions: Romantic Comedys

(19)I can stand 90% of romantic comedies and in fact enjoy them just fine. I'm a very willing date. But the kind of romantic comedies I can't stand are the movies where the guy is embarrassed and looks like an idiot the entire movie. I know some gender theorist would say these movies thrive because it "brings men to a woman's level," but I can hardly sit in theater. Examples: Just Friends, Meet the Parents, etc.

Revolutionary Road:Three Basic Reasons Why This Movie Sucked

I went and saw this with my wife and some friends. It was a mistake. I knew this going in. But trying to be a dutiful husband/friend made me suffer this time. Given the chance I would have run for the door. Here's why:

(3) It's Kate and Leo...again- guys, remember how you got to hear girls swoon for months after Titanic about how hot Leo was? Girls, remember swooning for months after Titanic. It's that without the Titanic or the swooning. In a word, boring.

(2) When did the suburbs become so awful? Basic theme of the movie: suburbs=bad, city=good. The suburbs make too easy of a target. Let's see they played up the "isolation" theme, the "pretending perfection" theme, the "infidelity" theme (we did get some intensely R-rated sex scenes in the process). Sorry ladies and gentlemen, the problems the couple had in the suburbs would probably have still been there in the city.

(1) It's Mad Men without any of the things that make it good- we get to see the dark side of the 1950s/1960s, but without any of the characterization to make it interesting. The way they do characterization in this movie is by have people get upset and hit walls. Folks behind this movie should watch Jon Hamm's portrayal of Don Draper for an episode and see what characterization looks like.

Set back for the Long Tail

It looks like Chris Anderson's Long Tail theory suffered a setback in the box office this year. For those who haven't heard of it, the Long Tail: "describes the niche strategy of businesses, such as Amazon.com or Netflix, that sell a large number of unique items, each in relatively small quantities." In other words, rather than aiming to sell a large number of a few item, businesses are increasingly aiming to sell a small number of a million items.

TIME Magazine recently noted something similar in their article:

"Oscar nominations and old-fashioned word of mouth--earned robust box-office results: Little Miss Sunshine, No Country for Old Men and, most remarkably, Juno, the teen-pregnancy comedy that, on a $7.5 million budget, outgrossed such pricey, massively promoted (and popular) superproductions as Prince Caspian and The Incredible Hulk."

But, the article notes, this year those tiny, niche movies that make ten times what they cost were non-existent. Not a surprise though:

-If you've got limited funds and have a choice between seeing a niche movie or a blockbuster, which will you go see? Box offices say it was the blockbuster at least this year.

-And let's be serious: when has there, in recent history been a year of Blockbusters like this one: A new Indiana Jones, a new Bond movie, a new Batman movie, Iron Man, Hancock--that's quite a few and that's just the top four. There were fine showings by Momma Mia! and Sex and the City as well.

Only exception to the bad showing by niche movies: Fireproof. It was made for half a million and grossed $33 million.

By prediction? This was an off-year. You'll see alot more Fireproofs...

The Watchmen trailer

This new trailer looks phenomenal. Will it live up to the novel? Well they're going to have to cut the pirates if it will make any sense, but here's hoping for a solid movie.

Ten Coolest Movie Scenes

#6- The Battle of Carthage

This was just a classic scene. The story of the fight itself was that the gladiators move. But dudes, they forgot that they put MAXIMUS out in the field. Using some Roman tactics, they manage to beat out the "Romans."

Not only does Maximus showcase some pretty tight twirling with his sword (not seen in recent years except during band competitions) and cause massive amounts of gore to the delight of male watchers, but story wise, this is a pretty riveting scene.

Compare Contrast: Porn Movies v. Christian Movies

Heard in class the other day:

Boss: "You know Christian movies and porn movies have more in common than you think--

(Class sits in stunned silence)

Boss: "Both are done on a small budget, both have bad acting and you always know how they're going to end."

To which I add that both are also sold in special bookstores and no one admits watching them.

Hollywood Still Trying to Get Religion

It's hard to forget the wild Christian rage of 2004.

We had a double-dose of Jesus in pop-culture that year: The Passion of the Christ released by famous sometimes-glorious-sometimes-fallen star Mel Gibson, and the hip-gnostic fiction book Da Vinci Code. Suddenly, Christianity was on the news, on magazine covers.

Also in November of that year, evangelicals turned out in record numbers to re-elect President George W. Bush. They voted for him in such a dramatic percentage that it literally turned the tide of the election.

I picture the executives in Hollywood scratching their head after the success folks had marketing to what I'll call the God Crowd--perhaps final realizing that more than half of America actually believes that stuff. Since then, there have been marked attempts to tap the God Crowd. Not always just to make more money, but at times, perhaps  to be fair-and-balanced.

As a student of this sort of this, I try to keep up with it. Here are some notable recent attempts:

- The Television Show "Greek" on ABC Family--The key is the depiction of the character Dale, who has no problem evangelizing Greek fraternities and then telling his Greek roommate, "I'm saving your peeps from eternal damnation." There are times when Dale is made to fit a very unfair stereotype (besides being an evangelical, he has a confederate flag, plays in a Christian band, and is depicted as a pretty big nerd). But there is an episode in particular where the main character has no one else to go to and Dale opens his arms to him.

ABC Family appears to be trying to make attempts to reach the God Crowd with this show. Since ABC Family is a subsidiary of Disney, you can guess which of Dale's personal beliefs they make fun of: his beliefs about homosexuality, pre-marital sex, drinking, etc. Disney of course is well known for a more "Christianity as Americana" belief system (read Mark Pinsky's wonderful book "The Gospel According to Disney", if you want to get a sense of Disney's God Talk).


- The Television Show "Bones" on FOX-- I've become used to the crime drama formula: religious = crazy. If a priest shows up on a crime drama, 10 to 1 it's because he killed, raped, or abetted one of the above. But the stone cold FBI agent Seeley Booth in "Bones" is a devout Roman Catholic. Several episodes have ended with him sitting in a Church, processing the episode's new crazy occurrence. Not only that, but his faith is depicted in a positive way. His partner, the all-science, all the time Temperance Brennan, actually is the one who comes across as narrow-minded when she attempts to attack him for his faith.

Oh and by the way, the gratuitous episode with the priest as a suspect? For once, the priest didn't do it.


-"Henry Poole is Here" --Released this  weekend, this Luke Wilson redemptive movie tells the story of a man who has a miraculous Jesus stain appear in his house. It begins to shake up the neighborhood and perhaps his own faith. This is definitely an attempt at the God Crowd but has a distinct chance of coming across as too preachy. Check out a review here.

-"Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian"-- Another blockbuster Walden Media Narnia movie. This one seems like a given after the success of the "Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." In this case, all the writers really had to do in order to please the God Crowd was be true to the book. They mostly succeeded, although they felt the need to add some steamy moments between Susan and Caspian as well as some extra battles that weren't really in the book. In all fairness, this was probably the hardest in the series to make into a movie because it deals less action, and deals more narrative on the big questions of faith.

-The Television Show "Secret Life of an American Teenager" on ABC Family-- Centered around the story of a 15-year-old who gets pregnant, the story is loaded with God talk. One of the two main families is evangelical. Two of the main characters attend Church together and at times try to invite other characters to events. Grace is the key character to watch in this show and she's depicted far more fairly than Dale in "Greek." She makes decisions we don't all agree with but comes across as generally caring and loving as well. This has been at the top of the iTunes "most downloaded" list ever since released as well. It will be interesting to see how this show progresses.

The Happening

Why 'The Happening' Is Happening

I've been told by numerous friends that "The Happening," in a word, sucked. I'm going to tell you why I disagree.

5. The Cinematography - Always M. Night Shyamalan's strong suit, the cinematography in the movie was darn near amazing. His use of camera angles in capturing just the right image is brilliant. Case in point: The folks entering Princeton, NJ see ladders rising into midair and dead people hanging from the trees. The image is so shocking and so disturbing, but mainly because you can't see the ladders leaning against the trees. The image of the misplaced ladders is so disturbing next to the dead folks it struck the theater silent.

4. "The Happening" isn't for Genre Pigeonholing - Folks I think try to put movies in different genre's they don't always fit. This movie, along with many Shyamalan films, don't fit well in traditional genres. As in "Signs" and "The Village," the main story isn't in the horror, but in the relationships. The wonderfully complex love relatonship between Wahlberg and Deschanel serves as the main story while the world being destroyed by plants (not that scary when described this way) is just back story.

3. Zooey Deschanel - 'Nough said. She's been described on imdb.com as an actress reminiscent of the oldtime actresses of silent movies who showed in thei face what they could say in audio. With her vibrant blue eyes, and innocent face she captures the camer and perfectly characterizes her freaked-out newly-wed character.

2. The "Shyamalan Surprise" - Shyamalan is perhaps best known for the surprise he puts in at the end of each movie. ie. Sixth Sense: Bruce Willis is actually a "dead people," Signs: All the bad stuff happened to save the son's life from evil aliens, Lady in the Water: the main character isn't the "Guardian," he's a healer. In "The Happening"? The Great American Northeast was not destroyed by terrorists but by -- wait for it -- plants. Talk about attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

1. The Actors Actually, Well, Act - Ive seen alot of trite and rehashed dialogue in my day. Seeing a movie where the screenwriter (a) makes use to description to fuel a scene and (b) makes use of silence in an artful manner, is refreshing.

Ten Coolest Movies Scenes

#7- Car Chase in "Gone in 60 Seconds"

The movie as a whole throws you through a loop. A bad guy does bad things and gets in trouble with bad people. Then a reformed bad guy (Randall Raines, aka. Nicholas "I can't really act" Cage) becomes bad again to save the aforementioned bad guy from bad people. And we're supposed to cheer for him...why?

But we do when this chase scene begins. Somehow we just want Randall to get away with stealing the frickin' awesome '67 Ford Mustang (a rare Shelby custom). And of course, it's totally tricked out with nitro, drives like a dream with it's brandnew tires and luckily came equipped with a never-ending tank of gas. Sidebar: I have '67 Ford Mustang with a 289 engine rather than the at-least 350 that thing was sporting. And it spewed gas like lactose-intolerant kid after four scoops of ice cream.

After watching this scene, you'd better believe I got into my '67 Ford Mustang (a standard coupe, not a Shelby--we can't be too picky when living out our fantasys), and blasted . When I got on the highway, I had that thing riding high in the RPM, trying to recreate the awesome growling "Elenor" makes in the scene.

Nope didn't get pulled over. I guess I'd learned how to escape the cops too.

Oh and look here

Ten Coolest Movie Scenes: Terminator Night Club scene

#8 Shootout in the '80s Night Club

In action movies, there's some unspoken agreement that it would just be friggin' awesome to bust a cap in the middle of a night club (see Collateral, Point Blank, etc.). In this classic scene, we have Sarah Conner (played by Linda Hamilton with crazy 80s hair)being hunted down by two people from the future: Kyle "Sent-to-protect-you" Reese and the Governator robot who's out to kill her.

We learn from this scene, that if a gun battle were to break out, the least fashionable are the first to go. If you watch the video, you'll note that several innocent bystanders are killed. One is a lady who doesn't look like she has any business in a nightclub with a Lois Lane khaki jacket and regular pair of jeans. Note that the guys with the white jacket and spaghetti tie gets blasted first. "Dude, that outfit is so 1978, eat lead."

"He has the most wonderful toys"

Ten Coolest Movie Scenes



#9 - When Batman saves Vicky Vale from the Joker

Yes sir. In my preadolecent years, I remember watching this scene in the movie theater and saying to myself "Someday, I will have cool grappling hooks like Batman and save a chick at least as hot as Vicky Vale.

For those of you who don't remember the scene, Vicky Vale is invited out to lunch through an invitation which seems to come from her one-night stand all-star Bruce Wayne. When she gets there, Joker gases the place, leaving poor Vicky alone with the Joker. (Kim Basinger hasn't aged well -- am I the only one who noticed?) Then *KAPOW* Batman crashes through the ceiling, grabs Vicky Vale, shoots a grappling hook into Joker's face (not really violent, because, although pointed at him, it shoots into the ceiling) and then rushes out of the museum. Joker's reaction is fantastic: "He has the most wonderful toys."

Question raised: Why do the coolest toys break stuff? Give a kid a choice between a rubber mallet and a jack hammer and you'd better believe your sidewalk's going to need repaving. Give the Gopher a choice between a grappling hook which tears up museum walls (do you know how much it cost the curator to repair those?) and a grappling hook that child-friendly and man, you'd better believe the walls are coming down.

Ten Coolest Movie Scenes

#10 - Skateboard Scene in Back to The Future:
Before the intro scene of Back to the Future, I don't think anyone seriously considered it to be a good idea to grab your skateboard and latch onto the back of moving vehicles. But somehow Huey Lewis singing "Power of Love" in the background just made it unbelievably cool.
If you really watch the scene closely, you'll see that riding a skateboard -- while holding onto a vehicle traveling at 50 mph -- helps you make friends. In the intro, Marty McFly passed by a ballet studio and randomly waves to some dancers (the kids are dancing in the middle of a school day by the way--aren't they afraid of Mr. Stricklan?) and the dancers pass him a "If-you-didn't-have-a-weird -time-travel- relationship-with-your-mom-I'd totally-go-steady" wave. Then later, in TV's first skateboard chase scene, everyone in the 1950s (including his mom...creepy) decides Marty is just the man for being able to work that board and get the bad kids covered in manure.
Note: I only tried pulling a "Marty" once. The skateboard kept tipping me over down the driveway. When I got to the bottom, a car went flying by and I was like "Dude, that thing is going fast, if I grab it, I'll loose a hand.