100 Confessions

(100) These 100 Confessions are for me. I'm not a confident person historically. I'm a pessimist by nature. But I believe I've gotten better at believing in myself. And last year, my New Years' Resolution was to become more confident in myself and in my abilities.

I'm ridiculous person. I do crazy stupid things (perhaps including sharing 100 embarrassing facts about myself with the entire world via blog). I shoot for things that many times I fail at. But, through this experience, I've learned that I'm perhaps not an awful person. And maybe one of my strengths is that I underestimate myself--I'm always happily surprised!

And through comments others have made, I've also learned that I'm not alone in many of these.

Although I'm still fairly sure no one knows what to do with those stick air fresheners.

So yeah...these are for me. But they're also for you. I present them with no lofty goals. Just a snapshot of life.

100 Confessions: Family

(99) My family is kind of messed up. I make light of it. But occasionally on bad days, I spill all sorts of the ridiculous details. I've done this to acquaintances, employees, bartenders. I usually apologize afterwards for giving them intimate information they really have no interest in.

I have gotten better at it. At one point in a party scenario, someone began talking about their family and made the mistake of asking about my family background. I literally destroyed the conversation. Dead silence followed and no one knew how to restart it.

100 Confessions: Backseat Readers

(98) I can't write with people reading while I write. I freeze. I get annoyed. I shout for them to leave. Performance anxiety? Maybe.

100 Confessions: Pies

(97) I like to make pies. This is a recent occurance in my life. As a child, my Canadian grandmother would make me "raspberry patte" which is a raspberry pie made with raspberries picked fresh from a local patch. (In a related note, this is the same grandmother who used the word "Quebequoise" as a curse word. Quebequoise being "people from Quebec").

She died when I was in early high school. But recently, Mimi and I were at Clydes in Chinatown and decided to order the raspberry pie. And when I tasted it, I was like "this is just not right. Something's missing here." And so I began my pie making journey. I'm pretty sure I still haven't managed to do the "raspberry patte" but what I made was pretty good.

100 Confessions: Fire

(96) I think bonfires rock. One of the best feelings in the world is being near a fire, and being warm, while it's cold outside.

I think I get this from my grandfather. In visits to Canada, we stayed at a local campground. He would come over while my family was still asleep and get the previous nights' fire going again. And he had a propensity for continually adding logs to our family bonfire until nearby trees would get singed.

100 Confessions: Favorite Movies

(95) My Top Ten Movie List:

1. It's A Wonderful Life- I think many people would list this in their lineup. I watch this every thanksgiving and several times during Christmas (I usually watch it once during the rest of the year, albeit a bit more guiltily). I want to be George Bailey.

2. Back to the Future- What can be better than going back in time in nuclear-propelled DeLorean to rescue your parent's marriage? And in the process, Michael J. Fox also gets to dump manure on his dad's boss.

3. Top Gun- I wanted to be a fighter pilot after watching this movie. That desire lasted all the way until I went to my first eye appointment and realized I could never fly with 20/200 vision.

4. The Godfather- Morality tale about gangsters and the downward spiral of crime.

5. Lord of the Rings- I'm a dork. Enough said.

6. Star Wars- See "Lord of the Rings."

7. Parent Trap- this one may take some explaining. So I never saw this until I was in my 20s. (No I didn't no it was Lindsey Lohan). And I suppose it's every divorced kid's dream to see their parents get back together--even though it never happens in real life. So two troublesome kids getting to know their other parent and ultimately bringing them back together, was I thought pretty cool.

Shut up and stop laughing.

8. Rudy- the inspiring story of the football player who could. He wanted to play for Notre Dame, and sure enough, he got to play for a Notre Dame. Great story.

9. Indiana Jones- classic story of the Western professor going to the east and discovering the Ark of the Covenant, which folks there were too daft to realize was under their feet the whole time!

10. Rocky- ADRIAN! This basically Rudy. But boxing, not football.

100 Confessions: My Little Sister

(94) My sister and I have our own language. We quote obscure TV show episodes/movies and make weird sounds that leave us rolling on the floor laughing. Other people who spend time around us have no idea what's going on. Video quoted typically include: "Kung Pow," "Family Guy," "How I Met Your Mother," "Airplane."

100 Confessions: Dog Clothes

(93) I consider dog clothing immoral. I will relent that dog clothing makes sense if you're in cold weather and your dog has any clothes. Sometimes. But dude, dogs have fur. They were born with it. That's why they don't need clothes. Clothes are a human thing, growing fur is a dog thing. The sweaters? The boots? They're not dolls. If you want to dress something up, buy a cabbage patch kid.

At my wife's request, I won't share my thoughts on dressing babies in rabbit costumes on a regular occasion.

At right, dog is thinking "What the hell?"

100 Confessions: Rats

(92) Growing up, we had on and off rat problems. During one season where our bird feed kept disappearing, my mother decided to buy a BB gun to use to scare off/kill the rats. It should be noted that target practice made use of the BB gun more than all actual adventures combined.

On one particular occasion, we heard squeaking inside one of the bird feedbags. We decided to stage an attack. My mom stood ready with the BB gun and she asked me to open the bag. When I did, rats jumped out in every direction. My mom, in panic, fired the gun. The BB ricocheted off the walls and struck me in the arm. In the meantime, rats scurried over my feet and disappeared into the night.

So the one time we tried to attack rats, I got shot.

100 Confessions: Contests

(91) I notoriously lose at contests. I'm bad at gambling. The lottery. Business card meal drawings. Even white elephant parties. My wife and I went to one and ended up with the same presents we brought there. And when we tried to set them up in the house, they broke.

This usually also transfers over to races, etc. How ever, I did recently have some success. Friend of this blog Julie James and I were part of a one-handed present wrapping contest (we each had a hand in it. Dunt chink). And we wiped the floor with the competition. It was a glorious feeling.

And I got a candy cane full of hershey kisses. I don't know how I'll eat them all before Christmas. I'm convinced people try to make you fat at Christmas time.

100 Confessions: Fight

(90) I've only been in one legitimate fight and it did nothing to enhance my sense of manliness. It was the classic bully situation (in middle school, which is, I'm convinced, every one's personal preview of what hell would be like). Vinny picked on me for a good two years: throwing quarters at my head, stepping on my shoes while I was walking, making sexual noises against my desk during class. Yes you heard me right. During class. This is public school fool.

Well one day and his friends surrounded me and began pelting me with tightly wadded alumninum foil. They didn't hurt exactly. It was the humiliation that got to me. People standing around laughing. They stopped when the teacher turned the corner. As usual, she pretended that she didn't see anything. Everyone got into line to go into class.

I pushed through the line, grabbed Vinny by his back collar, spun him around and pounded him in the face. He started to cry. It would have been a slightly more glorious moment if I hadn't started to cry too. Vinny didn't mess with me again. Or talk to me. Or talk about me.

This and a later situation eventually led me to leave (encouraged to leave?) public school which I suppose gives me some street cred.

100 Confessions: His People

(89) During high school I went to ridiculous lengths to try to get into the elite choir group "His People." I know what you're thinking, 'Greg, you're not really into music, or singing, or hanging out with musical people who like to sing.'" And you're right. But in high school, for some reason, it didn't matter. Everyone wanted to be in this group because all the cool people (and the hot girls) were in the group.

I tried out two years in a row, and couldn't understand how football players who couldn't carry a tune could get on, but I couldn't. Then I realized I just wasn't cool enough.

It's alright. Looking back, the girls weren't that hot. Slim pickins in high school. And I can also crack jokes about the dudes wearing makeup from a safe distance too.

GopherLink! Dude! Catholics have "faults and shortcomings?" Who knew!? Thanks W Post! Note to Catholics: Please don't hit me.