Communion Confession

Context: I take other people's religions seriously. I am religious, I work with the religious and did my recent master's thesis on Islam. So then I am placed at my grandfather's (very Catholic) funeral. While I am baptized Catholic, I'm not confirmed and thus am ineligible for communion according to the Catechism. Thus the situation unfolded...

The French spoken at the service is not Parisian (my grandfather being an Acadian), but I can still catch a bit of it. My grandfather by the way was a Jedi Master-level Knight of Columbus. They had uniforms, swords out--everything. During the service it comes time for communion, and while not Catholic, I am aware of the Catholic tradition of the "blessing." With the "blessing," a non-Catholic can approach the priest during communion and receive his, well, blessing without taking the bread or wine. To note that you would like the blessing, you simply cross your arms. I explain this to my wife and sister.

So communion begins and I approach the priest with my arms crossed. The priest offers me the communion bread. I pat my hands against my shoulders to emphasize ("Blessing!").

The priest seems to consider that maybe I don't understand French, so in broken English: "Take...my body..."

Tales from DC: Senate Security

Every semester, we ask students to go in teams on a scavenger hunt of the city. One of the stops, inevitably, is to the office of the senior senator from their state. Last semester, a team ended up at a Senate office building going through security when the alarm went off on the tall, male student in the team. And the alarm at the Senate is no joke, it's loud with lights and booming speakers: WAHN WAHN.

Security (moving toward him with the wand): "Sir, do you have any keys, loose change--"
Student: "Oh! Keys..."

He goes out of security, puts to keys in a container and heads back through. And the alarm goes off again. WAHN WAHN.

Security: "Sir did you take EVERYTHING out of your pockets?"
Student: "Well...I still have my cellphone."
Security (agitated): "Sir, please put your cellphone in the tray as well and come through again."

The student goes out of security, puts the cellphone in the tray and comes through again. The alarm goes off again. At this point, a crowd is forming. Security uses the wand and wordlessly passes it over the students belt. Beep beep beep.

Student: "Oh...yeah, my belt..."

The student leaves security again, takes off his belt and walks through again. The alarm goes off. WAHN WAHN. Again. Security uses the wand and stops over his feet.

Security: "Son, are you wearing steel-toed boots?"
Student: "Ahhhh....yeah."
Security (long pause): "How did you get here?"

Questions followed related to whether the student had ever been on a plane or entered any sort of government building.