The Real Reason Newspapers Are Dying?

Ah. See! Columbia has fixed the problem of newspapers. We develop journalists who also (kinda) rap. We just need to have this guy rap the top stories of the day--a sort of revisited age of News Ballads.

What Happened to "How I Met Your Mother?"

How I Met Your Mother is dragging. I know, I know. I love How I Met Your Mother, but we're beginning to feel the strain of the "who is the mother?" story line. Part of the problem is that the key plot line of the show (Ted finding Mrs. Right) has dragged on now into the fifth season. This is probably the result of the money makers realizing that they can get more money out of a show if they drag it out. We were feeling this same thing in season three of LOST with the "will they get off the island" question. There, they artfully answered the question while raising others that kept (most) people watching.

And granted, How I Met Your Mother is not your typical sitcom. Here's the Chicago Tribune:

A lot has been written about the supposed demise - and even the comeback - of the half-hour comedy on network television. Traditional sitcoms, we’re often told, are too stodgy and predictable and are just not cutting it anymore, while “single-camera” comedies such as “The Office, “My Name Is Earl” and “30 Rock” are all the rage.

But the line between “30 Rock” and “HIMYM” is not that distinct. Just as “Ugly Betty” isn’t quite a comedy and isn’t just a drama, “HIMYM” is something of a hybrid.

For one thing, some “single-camera” shows use more than one camera at a time. And though “HIMYM” does have a laugh track, the fact that the laughs (from a studio audience that watches a tape of the show) are put in after filming means the comedy is not “a slave to the audience” as executive producer Greg Malins says.

How I Met Your Mother is unique show and it has a unique problem. Ted's future wife could be any number of women who've gone through his life--or some mysterious, yet unmet person. The problem How I Met Your Mother faces is that whoever the mother is will have to have a strong on-screen presence--strong enough to stand on equal footing with actors/actresses we've seen onscreen for years. This trumps even the problem with Castaway: we have Tom Hanks alone on camera for almost two hours and only maybe twenty minutes of the wife, yet she's supposed to hold the audience. In the case of Castaway it worked, because of Helen Hunt. I have to argue that How I Met Your Mother will need an equally strong, if not stronger, presence to introduce the mother.

But that said, here are some quotes from everyone's favorite skirt chaser:

(Barney talking about how easy it is to run a marathon)
Barney: "Step 1: You start running. There is no Step 2."

(Talking about Barney's dating strategies)
Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time

(Lily asks Barney to come with her for wedding dress shopping)
Barney: I can’t go, I’ve got this thing….
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis.

Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.

(Ted talks about visiting a girl and her family)
Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story

Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.
Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?
Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank.

(talking about Carl the bartender)
Lily: These look kinda like blood.
Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
Barney: That's ridiculous.
Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender.

[Barney just discovered he did not sire a baby with his latest conquest and tells Marshall about it]
Barney: Marshall, great news: I'm not a father.
Marshall: Congratulations. [Shakes Barney's hand]
Barney: I know, this is the happiest moment of my life! Marshall, the way I feel about not having kids. I never knew I could love something this much. That's why, I'm creating a holiday. From now on, today will be known as "Not A Father's Day"!
Marshall: Wow, you're creating a holiday.
Barney: Why not? Everybody gets a day - mothers, fathers, Bastille's...why can't there a be a day for those who are single and like it that way?

100 Confessions: A Dream Job...as a college student again?

Note: Apologies for not posting. This has been a crazy month of graduate school, work and repeated sicknesses. It would be fair to say my closest mates in the past month have been Halls and Kleenex.

(79) Weird things happen when I sleep. My wife says I steal all the covers (lies, I'm convinced. She throws them my direction). And I've noted some weird dreams, etc.

Last night, I dreamed that I was back in my college newspaper office. I recently visited said location, but to do recruiting for my study-abroad journalism program. And in my dream, I was offered the chance to return their as the student newspaper Editor-in-Chief. Which would (a) be strange because I don't attend the school any longer, (b) be more strange because I would take a fairly severe salary cut, (c) be even more strange because I'll have experience (and soon a degree) that would separate me significantly from a college-age crowd and (d) be a twisted way of reliving some of my favorite memories.

I suppose the place has been on my mind because of my recent visit there. When I was editor in chief of the paper, I did work with some exceptionally talented people. Some of what I was proud of my last year on staff, when I served as Editor-in-Chief, are below. Some seem humble now that I've worked in mainstream journalism three years. But for my campus, journalism (and I mean real journalism) was still a very new thing.

(1) "There's Something About Mary"--this was an opinion piece written by a talented Catholic journalist on how Catholics were at times unfairly treated on campus. Huge response. She illustrated that our paper wasn't going to pull punches.

(2) The Urban Youth Impact spread--it was a mixture of some fabulous photography from our photo editor and a feature length profile on a charity in town that worked with inner-city kids. It really dealt with some of the difficulties, obstacles the organization faced.

(3) The Eating Disorder spread--this was a shared victory between one of our writers who wrote a straight forward article on the proliferation of eating disorders on campus while we had another writer share a first-person piece on her struggle with it. Very powerful stuff.

(4) The expose on central administration and the piece on the gay security guard--these are the two I wrote. And man did I put in some leg work for them. I was down at the courthouse for the lawsuit with the gay security guard (who was fired, ps) and the expose on central admin was a three part series on, essentially, why the organization was messed up. I'm still proud of my work on those.

(5) Gorbachev--the dude came near campus to speak. I'm still proud that I got one of our up-and-coming writers and our photo editor into the press conference. I'm fairly sure it was a first for our campus.

And I would link the article, but the archives are gone. Thus erasing all the work I did. Alas.

GopherLink! What the world would look like if the internet disappeared tomorrow. Laugh till you cry. Right here.

GopherLink! Found this story an email from about a year ago. Besides the election reference, it's still a completely relevant piece on the lack of evangelicals in newsrooms. Read more here.

Sesame Street's Grover discusses what Marriage is

Classic Quotes from "The Office"

Ladies, Gentleman: We have a stirring event coming up tomorrow--Jim and Pam's Wedding on The Office. If Obama was on at the same time, no one would watch. But part of my tradition, is that at the start of The Office each season, I compile a list of classic quotes from The Office (see here and here). Check out the preview of tomorrow's episode at the bottom!

Michael: I will be honest. The dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty. Like a piece of fine art by...any number of renowned artists. Or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude. But the women I'm getting fixed up with are...blech. Not that they aren't nice, or that they don't have great personalities, it's, they just lack a certain...Crawfordness.

Dwight: Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. That computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for thirteen out of the last twelve months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

(Jim tries to steal a copier with Dwight and Michael and accidentally runs into his ex-girlfriend, Karen)
Jim: Oh, no. I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not happy to be seeing you right now. I'm just saying ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal. I'd say it's equal. So good to see you.

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael grits teeth] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael struggling] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said.

Dwight: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No.
I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael: [To Martin Nash, who is black] Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Uh, not...

(Andy is seeking Jim's advice to get Pam on a date)
Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that...yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man.

Michael: [to Ryan during a "scared straight" seminar] You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball.

Jim: After you
Dwight: No thank you, I never let anyone walk in front of me
Jim: How come?
Dwight: 7/10 attacks come from the rear
Jim: That still leaves 3/10 attacks that could come from the front
Dwight: But I would block the attack, rendering it-
(Jim slaps him)

Jim: Ding dong.
Michael: Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael: Dwight get the door.
Dwight: I'm not answering the door.
Michael: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: No way. It's the KGB.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: I'm not answering that!
[Dwight and Michael start arguing as Jim is still ringing the doorbell]
Michael: Yes you're going to!
Dwight: I'm not going to answer it it's the KGB!--
Jim: [slaps Michael] It's the KGB we wait for no one!
Michael: Ha ha ha!
Dwight: [to camera] It's true.

(The episode where Michael imitates SurvivorMan)
Dwight: Do I believe Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no I do not.

Michael: When I was in training many years ago, not so long ago. I worked side by side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed we convinced them that they were crazy. Another time Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. The guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.

100 Confessions: Goths and Ice Skating

(78) For a short amount of time, I operated under the revelation that goths were huge ice skating fans.

Here's the story:

Mimi and I were living in Florida. There's a bit of a shortage of ice skating in Florida. So we found a local place that did it and decided to make a date out of it. So we went to a local diner we'd wanted to try then put on our coats and headed over the ice skating rink. When we got out of the car, I noticed the parking lot was full...but....

It was really odd how many goths were there. They were seated in long lines along the sidewalk, smoking at their car, etc. The were dressed in all black, dark eye shadow (girls and boys alike), facial piercings, bright red lipstick (just girls) and very poky hair. I was really confused. But Mimi and I felt like we learned something new.

Greg: "So goths are really into ice skating..."
Mimi: "I guess its cold so it keeps your makeup from running..."

We opened up the doors to the ice skating rink and were blasted with death metal music. The rink was shut down for a One Night ONLY performance of "Vampires and Ice Cream." They were using a lot of bad words and talking about killing kittens so Mimi and I decided it wasn't for us.

So we didn't get to ice skate. Alas.

100 Confessions: Shame

(77) I don't believe in shame as a tool for motivation. Some leaders seem to think if they make a person feel shamed enough, it'll keep them on the straight and narrow. I'm convinced it just makes them feel shamed, but then I've always preferred the carrot to the stick.

With one exception.

When I first started running the local community group for local middle schoolers and high schoolers, I didn't have a organization credit card. I was just a college kid. So I ended up buying things with my own money and then asking for reinbursement (not a fun system). Usually this wasn't a bad scenario. Well for Christmas one year, I got the kids all T-shirts emblazoned with the name of our community group. They went nuts for them. Unfortunately, they cost $400. So imagine my surprise when I turn in my receipts to the account and then hear that the local church board woman is unwilling to reimburse me. Although the purchase of these T-shirts was approved by my director and by the rest of the staff, she didn't personally feel it was legitimate.

I tried calling her. I tried emailing her. Silence. Well a week before Christmas, I went to her local church and they were holding a Christmas Boutique. There she was with all her friends. So I walked right up in the middle of her friends and said this:

"Hello, Miss C._____. My name's Greg Perreault and I'm the one who works with the local community group. I really need you to reimburse me for the money I spent on the kids so that I can buy Christmas presents for my family."

She flushed bright red, and started stuttering over her words over the intense gaze of her friends. She couldn't sign that form fast enough.