Now, I would not stoop to using a curse word in the title of a post unless it was absolutely necessary. For this story, ladies and gentlemen, it is absolutely necessary.
So one of the students from my first semester was a random guy. He's in Union Station one day and sees a stand of cookies. He thinks to himself, "Sweet! I totally need to get a cookie." So he turns to go get one and a homeless man steps into his path.
Man (furious): "Why you always in my asshole?"
(pause)
Student: "Sir, I'm not in your asshole, I really just want to get a cookie."
Man:"Why you always getting inside my asshole?"
The man punches my student in the face. My student gets pretty mad and gives him a shove back. Just then a police officer comes around the corner and separates the two of them.
Officer: "What seems to be the issue, here?"
Student: "This guy punched me in the face!"
Man: "He always getting in my asshole!"
The officer steps away and gets on her walkie. A few moments later, four or five other police officers appear. They huddle together and begin asking the original officer to explain the situation.
Officer: "Well, this man claims he got punched in the face by the other man. And that man claims that the first man keeps getting inside his asshole."
Man (shouting over the conversing officers): "This guy, he and his brother always inside my asshole!"
Student: "Look, I don't even have a brother. And I haven't been in anyone's asshole."
Eventually the police officers came to my student and, with a sort of repressed amusement asked, "So...do you think he's crazy? Like mentally deranged?"
Student: "Look, I don't know. All I wanted was a cookie."
The officers said they planned to keep the man overnight and let him go in the morning, which my students said was fine. As they took the man away, he continued to point at him and shout through Union Station, "That guy always inside my asshole!"
Students, welcome to Washington.
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