100 Confessions

(100) These 100 Confessions are for me. I'm not a confident person historically. I'm a pessimist by nature. But I believe I've gotten better at believing in myself. And last year, my New Years' Resolution was to become more confident in myself and in my abilities.

I'm ridiculous person. I do crazy stupid things (perhaps including sharing 100 embarrassing facts about myself with the entire world via blog). I shoot for things that many times I fail at. But, through this experience, I've learned that I'm perhaps not an awful person. And maybe one of my strengths is that I underestimate myself--I'm always happily surprised!

And through comments others have made, I've also learned that I'm not alone in many of these.

Although I'm still fairly sure no one knows what to do with those stick air fresheners.

So yeah...these are for me. But they're also for you. I present them with no lofty goals. Just a snapshot of life.

100 Confessions: Family

(99) My family is kind of messed up. I make light of it. But occasionally on bad days, I spill all sorts of the ridiculous details. I've done this to acquaintances, employees, bartenders. I usually apologize afterwards for giving them intimate information they really have no interest in.

I have gotten better at it. At one point in a party scenario, someone began talking about their family and made the mistake of asking about my family background. I literally destroyed the conversation. Dead silence followed and no one knew how to restart it.

100 Confessions: Backseat Readers

(98) I can't write with people reading while I write. I freeze. I get annoyed. I shout for them to leave. Performance anxiety? Maybe.

100 Confessions: Pies

(97) I like to make pies. This is a recent occurance in my life. As a child, my Canadian grandmother would make me "raspberry patte" which is a raspberry pie made with raspberries picked fresh from a local patch. (In a related note, this is the same grandmother who used the word "Quebequoise" as a curse word. Quebequoise being "people from Quebec").

She died when I was in early high school. But recently, Mimi and I were at Clydes in Chinatown and decided to order the raspberry pie. And when I tasted it, I was like "this is just not right. Something's missing here." And so I began my pie making journey. I'm pretty sure I still haven't managed to do the "raspberry patte" but what I made was pretty good.

100 Confessions: Fire

(96) I think bonfires rock. One of the best feelings in the world is being near a fire, and being warm, while it's cold outside.

I think I get this from my grandfather. In visits to Canada, we stayed at a local campground. He would come over while my family was still asleep and get the previous nights' fire going again. And he had a propensity for continually adding logs to our family bonfire until nearby trees would get singed.

100 Confessions: Favorite Movies

(95) My Top Ten Movie List:

1. It's A Wonderful Life- I think many people would list this in their lineup. I watch this every thanksgiving and several times during Christmas (I usually watch it once during the rest of the year, albeit a bit more guiltily). I want to be George Bailey.

2. Back to the Future- What can be better than going back in time in nuclear-propelled DeLorean to rescue your parent's marriage? And in the process, Michael J. Fox also gets to dump manure on his dad's boss.

3. Top Gun- I wanted to be a fighter pilot after watching this movie. That desire lasted all the way until I went to my first eye appointment and realized I could never fly with 20/200 vision.

4. The Godfather- Morality tale about gangsters and the downward spiral of crime.

5. Lord of the Rings- I'm a dork. Enough said.

6. Star Wars- See "Lord of the Rings."

7. Parent Trap- this one may take some explaining. So I never saw this until I was in my 20s. (No I didn't no it was Lindsey Lohan). And I suppose it's every divorced kid's dream to see their parents get back together--even though it never happens in real life. So two troublesome kids getting to know their other parent and ultimately bringing them back together, was I thought pretty cool.

Shut up and stop laughing.

8. Rudy- the inspiring story of the football player who could. He wanted to play for Notre Dame, and sure enough, he got to play for a Notre Dame. Great story.

9. Indiana Jones- classic story of the Western professor going to the east and discovering the Ark of the Covenant, which folks there were too daft to realize was under their feet the whole time!

10. Rocky- ADRIAN! This basically Rudy. But boxing, not football.

100 Confessions: My Little Sister

(94) My sister and I have our own language. We quote obscure TV show episodes/movies and make weird sounds that leave us rolling on the floor laughing. Other people who spend time around us have no idea what's going on. Video quoted typically include: "Kung Pow," "Family Guy," "How I Met Your Mother," "Airplane."

100 Confessions: Dog Clothes

(93) I consider dog clothing immoral. I will relent that dog clothing makes sense if you're in cold weather and your dog has any clothes. Sometimes. But dude, dogs have fur. They were born with it. That's why they don't need clothes. Clothes are a human thing, growing fur is a dog thing. The sweaters? The boots? They're not dolls. If you want to dress something up, buy a cabbage patch kid.

At my wife's request, I won't share my thoughts on dressing babies in rabbit costumes on a regular occasion.

At right, dog is thinking "What the hell?"

100 Confessions: Rats

(92) Growing up, we had on and off rat problems. During one season where our bird feed kept disappearing, my mother decided to buy a BB gun to use to scare off/kill the rats. It should be noted that target practice made use of the BB gun more than all actual adventures combined.

On one particular occasion, we heard squeaking inside one of the bird feedbags. We decided to stage an attack. My mom stood ready with the BB gun and she asked me to open the bag. When I did, rats jumped out in every direction. My mom, in panic, fired the gun. The BB ricocheted off the walls and struck me in the arm. In the meantime, rats scurried over my feet and disappeared into the night.

So the one time we tried to attack rats, I got shot.

100 Confessions: Contests

(91) I notoriously lose at contests. I'm bad at gambling. The lottery. Business card meal drawings. Even white elephant parties. My wife and I went to one and ended up with the same presents we brought there. And when we tried to set them up in the house, they broke.

This usually also transfers over to races, etc. How ever, I did recently have some success. Friend of this blog Julie James and I were part of a one-handed present wrapping contest (we each had a hand in it. Dunt chink). And we wiped the floor with the competition. It was a glorious feeling.

And I got a candy cane full of hershey kisses. I don't know how I'll eat them all before Christmas. I'm convinced people try to make you fat at Christmas time.

100 Confessions: Fight

(90) I've only been in one legitimate fight and it did nothing to enhance my sense of manliness. It was the classic bully situation (in middle school, which is, I'm convinced, every one's personal preview of what hell would be like). Vinny picked on me for a good two years: throwing quarters at my head, stepping on my shoes while I was walking, making sexual noises against my desk during class. Yes you heard me right. During class. This is public school fool.

Well one day and his friends surrounded me and began pelting me with tightly wadded alumninum foil. They didn't hurt exactly. It was the humiliation that got to me. People standing around laughing. They stopped when the teacher turned the corner. As usual, she pretended that she didn't see anything. Everyone got into line to go into class.

I pushed through the line, grabbed Vinny by his back collar, spun him around and pounded him in the face. He started to cry. It would have been a slightly more glorious moment if I hadn't started to cry too. Vinny didn't mess with me again. Or talk to me. Or talk about me.

This and a later situation eventually led me to leave (encouraged to leave?) public school which I suppose gives me some street cred.

100 Confessions: His People

(89) During high school I went to ridiculous lengths to try to get into the elite choir group "His People." I know what you're thinking, 'Greg, you're not really into music, or singing, or hanging out with musical people who like to sing.'" And you're right. But in high school, for some reason, it didn't matter. Everyone wanted to be in this group because all the cool people (and the hot girls) were in the group.

I tried out two years in a row, and couldn't understand how football players who couldn't carry a tune could get on, but I couldn't. Then I realized I just wasn't cool enough.

It's alright. Looking back, the girls weren't that hot. Slim pickins in high school. And I can also crack jokes about the dudes wearing makeup from a safe distance too.

GopherLink! Dude! Catholics have "faults and shortcomings?" Who knew!? Thanks W Post! Note to Catholics: Please don't hit me.

100 Confessions: Jokes

(88) I will make jokes at a certain expense of personal professionalism.

Example from an event the other night. An alum of the Washington Journalism Center began describing a story he chased that took him into gay bars. Students aren't allowed to drink in the program. So he asked legitimately, and to the interest of other students.

Alum: "I'm not sure I was allowed to enter a bar. Did I break policy?"
Me: "No. You brokeback policy."

Other examples: here, here.

100 Confessions: Nicknames

(87) I create nicknames for people. Sometimes the nicknames don't even make sense. But I find that people get excited about having a nickname. It makes them feel like their part of some elite club.

Examples:
-Kid in my youth group who plays lots of video games and likes to read. One day I'm riding in his car and am surprised by the smell of ramen noodles. I noticed that he has bowl sitting on the floor of the passenger side seat, with the dregs still sloshing a bit at stoplights.
Me: "You eat ramen noodles in the car?"
Kid: "Yeah, I got hungry on the ride home three days ago."

And we called him Noodle. Or Wild Man. Both are true.

-Student from southern California. Had a conversation with her one time while watching the remade 90210 series. My question switched from academic to "is this what you people are like? What's in the water down there?" And so we call her 90210.

-Coworker who was shy. But despite her shyness, she delivered really solid journalism. To build her up, I would call her Big, Bad Brandi. This was inspite of the fact that she was neither big, nor bad. In my defense her name was Brandi.

-Student who didn't know how to cook. She confided to me one day that she'd been eating sloppy joes since she left home. And thus, we called her Sloppy Joe (She wasn't actually sloppy).

100 Confessions: What I Have to Be Thankful For

(86) I have a lot to be thankful for:

- A beautiful, caring wife.
- The Washington Journalism Center and the bright, passionate students there.
- Terry Mattingly
- A chance to go to graduate school at a top-20 school.
- Julie and Jared James
- Mike Plunkett
- The CCT program and the awesome people I know there
- I live in Washington DC, which may be the greatest city in the world.
- Sean at the front desk of the Clara Barton.
- Royal Poinciana Chapel and the Norris family
- Grace DC
- My little sister
- The craziness that is my family
- My dog (formerly my wife's dog), Mia
- The Palm Beach Post
- Josh Manning at the Town-Crier, for taking a chance on me as a writer.

100 Confessions: Thanksgiving

(85) I have a Thanksgiving Ritual.

In the morning, I wake up and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Mimi and I always stay in town for Thanksgiving. We go everywhere else for other holidays--Thanksgiving is our holiday. We stay home and invite any friends that are in town to come join us. We make too much food (it allows for turkey sandwiches later in the week). And after we're done with our meal, we watch my favorite movie, (And the movie really should be a rite of passage between Thanksgiving and Christmas) It's a Wonderful Life.

Then we can begin listening to Christmas music publically. As in the case this year, I cheated the weekend before Thanksgiving, but you've really got to save 90% of the Christmas music until Christmastime otherwise you get tired of it before the end of the season. It's just math. There's only so much Frosty and Rudolph a man can take.

100 Confessions: Elevator Practices

(84) I jam the "close-door" button to keep other people out of elevators. Elevators can be awkward. The only time people usually make conversation is if I have a dog. Conversations are usually like "What's your dog's name?" "What kind of dog?" "How old is she?" Notice that there is never any recognition that I exist. I don't know why people think it's less awkward to ask for a dog's name than a person's, but whatever.

So I'm an awkward avoider. If given the opportunity to get in elevator alone (and with no one watching), I try to keep my ride solo.

100 Confessions: Coach and the Player

(83) The coach and player lesson. One of the greatest lessons in my life came when I was kid, taking karate lessons. I was trying to figure out some move or something. I kept stopping and asking the instructor and myself, "Am I doing this right?" Finally, my instructor stopped me. He said, "You can't be the coach and the player at the same time."

Since then I've applied that lesson to just about everything in my life. My writing, my lectures, my work projects. It's hard to judge your own work until you've actually done the work.

Why Copy Editors Matter

Hilarious. In the above, a Toronto Star editor copyedits the publishers memo announcing layoffs. It was the editor's subtle clue that the publisher could benefit from editorial aid and that outsourcing copyediting to freelancers might not be the best idea.

There's no doubt that newspapers are in trouble. Copy editor layoffs haven't gotten much attention -- certainly not as much as the reporter layoffs. After all, copy editors are invisible by nature. They're layoffs are the unacknowledged part of the larger loss of "journalism jobs."

Unfortunately, the marketplace now eliminates journalism jobs at a rate in excess of 1,000 a month.

That's a lot of people out of work, and in the case of copy editors, a lot of people who served a valuable function to the community. What do we lose with copy editors?

(1) We lose people who know their community- During one stint as a copy editor, I had a piece of copy come across my desk that said that an informal but influential village council was dissolving itself because the council members all hated each other. I'd only been there a month or so, but sounds like BIG news right? Wrong. Turns out they used to do that every six months or so. They'd take a month off and when people started talking about electing new council members, the old council members would go back to work.

I had no sense of how important the news was. And I don't doubt that there are the occasional geeks who know all sorts of random information about their community. But in my experience those geeks want to be paid (there's not a lot of interest in "Citizen Copyediting"--not a ton of perks). More likely you'll get cheap editors who can do some story structure, some grammar editing but aren't going to be the best when it comes to deciding what goes on A1. Here's Poynter:

Copy editors matter. They bring news elements together to make the whole more than the individual parts. They think about news packages, news pages and overall content and credibility.

(2) We lose people who care about getting accurate information- As the copy editor said in his edit of the publisher's memo, to lose your salaried copy editors is to lose people who, well, care if an error gets into a story. Here's another adventure from that same, very weird newspaper.

One time I got a 6000-word story on a council meeting. It was supposed to be 600. And I had to edit it. I was pretty sure I was going to quit. But I didn't. Am I a hero for not quitting? I can't really say. But yes.

Once I trimmed it down to about the right length, I found a little gem. In this middle of the story with no context, no explanation, there was an unattributed quote: "She does it so good. I really love it when she does it for me. We don't even have to pay her. Let's have her do it more."

To this day, I have no idea what that quote was about. But the fact is, I didn't have to care. And in many situations -- far more serious than a random quote -- salaried copy editors serve to protect misinformation from getting into the hands of the public. Losing stakeholders, losing copy editors is loosing a hold on misinformation. And you know, after that story (which I essentially rewrote), I didn't even get a byline. The reporter got calls telling her how good her story was.

Karen Dunlap's post does make copy editors sound like superheroes, but she does make a good point:

They know that some of their best work is invisible. Writers and editors might admire the flow of a story without noting the deletion of an article, a change in punctuation, or the upgrading of verbs that helped the story flow.

Copy editors know that their work is also among the most read and influential copy in newspapers or online. Even television news turns increasingly to headline writers to produce news crawls across the bottom of the screen.

The industry is changing and it's hard to argue that cuts have to be made. But in the case of copy editors: their contribution was invisible, but their exit will be very evident.

100 Confessions: Contentment

(82) I'm not easily contented. I'm not sure that's a positive thing, but I'm not sure it's negative either.

Positive:
-I think it makes me a good worker because I'm want to try new things to improve what we're already doing.
-I think it makes me a good husband because I don't take my wife for granted. I have to continually win her hand.
-I think it makes me reach for goals others might find unachievable. And maybe they are goals that, for me, are unachievable. But at least I try.

Negative:
-I think it makes me obsessive. I feel like a failure if I'm not working toward the next big thing: the book publication, the Ph.D program (and it has to be the best Ph.D program), a house, etc.
-I think it sucks the enjoyment out of the great work I do. I don't live in the moment. People say that they "live for today" and I don't argue, but I don't think I do. I don't think I'm good at it. I was raised to "be responsible," to "look out for others," to "make a difference." Smelling the roses just wasn't in there. And hey I'll bet they'll smell the same when I eventually write a book on the subject right? At least then I'll have accomplished something.
-I think I'm slightly worried it will make me a bad father. Will it go away when I have children? Will I keep reaching for things when I have kids and not spend enough time with them? Or will my perspective change and will I be that overbearing father who forces his children to achieve all the things he hoped to achieve himself. I'm scared that I could be both.

Review: Phantasy Star IV (Replay)

This was recently re-released on the Sonic's Ultimate Sega Genesis Collection for Playstation 3 (and it has so many games, I don't know what to do with myself). I remember this as one of my favorite games as a kid. It was lone, decent Sega Genesis RPG left to fend with the likes of Zelda, Final Fantasy and Breath of Fire on the Super Nintendo. This is an interesting take on the RPG genre. The travel and journey's on the map are done very similarly to Final Fantasy and Breath of Fire's "looking down from above" perspective. But the battle screen is done in first person, putting the player behind the characters. And that, coupled with decent battle music, makes for an exciting battle experience (and that's key in role-playing games, because you'll spend a good deal of the time in battle).

Here's the story:

Phantasy Star IV takes place in the year AW 2284 (1,000 years after the events of Phantasy Star II). It is the story of Chaz Ashley, a young bounty hunter, who along with his friends and allies, unwittingly becomes the savior of the Algol solar system. The story takes place on the planet Motavia, which has suffered through dramatic climate changes over the past 1,000 years.

After an event called the Great Collapse, much of the once-thriving ecosystem has been reduced to desert, and life has become difficult for the planet's inhabitants. To make matters worse, there has been a marked increase in the appearances of "biomonsters", strange and violent mutations of the normal plant and animal life.

Keeping these creatures under control is the job of "hunters" like Chaz and Alys, and it is during an investigation into an outbreak that the characters learn that the biomonster problem is related to the planet's ecological crisis. In truth, the planet is only reverting back to its natural desert state, which had been changed into an ecosystem more suited to human life by climate-changing technology thousands of years earlier. For reasons to be explained later, and relating back to the events of Phantasy Star II, this computer network suffers a system-wide malfunction, leading to the series of catastrophes throughout Algo.

Chaz and his allies connect the world's troubles to a man named Zio, whose aim seems to be nothing less than total annihilation - not only of Motavia but of the entire solar system. Their aim then becomes to defeat him in order to restore the computer systems maintaining Algo. However, it soon becomes clear that Zio is merely the vanguard to a much larger threat. Amidst great tragedy and struggle, Chaz and the others must eventually fight against an evil from time uncounted to restore peace to Algo once and for all.

Once again, we have a story where the people of the planet come from a fallen civilization elsewhere. In keeping with my method with Final Fantasy IV, I'll reserve judgment on the game (as my critiques would be remarkably similar with those voice in Super Mario RPG--all the RPGs back then had the same problems) and focus instead on some unique narrative features:

(1) Narrative scenes are done in an anime style- note the picture shown here. Text intermingles with multiple text boxes, making for a comic style appearance. The drawing style is also unmistakably anime. The main character Chaz, is also very nationalistic. He's dressed in his red and white like a Japanese flag.

(2) We have a Messiah- Like Final Fantasy IV, like Breath of Fire II and the Obama Candidacy, we have a "chosen one." At a certain point in the game, the characters journey to a Church of Espers ("Espere" is French for "Hope") where they worship a legendary magician (Lutz) who died 2000 years ago, but lives on in the Church to be passed on to the one "chosen" to carry the will and memory the magician. Very Calvinist. Predestination anyone?

(3) We have an absolute evil Devil, but no God- According to the story, there was a great spiritual being that split in two. For whatever reason, the good part "Le Roof" decided to leave, but left all sorts of stuff behind to kill off the evil part, "Dark Force." (This is also the same scenario seen in the Breath of Fire series and others. A true Satan, but humankind must defeat it with only the help of some weapons, etc. from God).

Oh, and the evil dude is apparently pentacostal. (a)It's a rapidly spreading church movement--there are numerous church's run by Dark Force's fall guy "Zio" but none by Le Roof. What up). And (b) these churchgoers faint in the spirit and speak in tongues.

Monopoly: Obama Edition

Monopoly: Barack Obama Edition squeezes all the fun and challenges
of The Obama Administration into one board game! Stage
vigorous debates with other players over valuable Health Care Reform or Bank Bailouts!

Relive the close campaign moments, the college years, or even the joy of adding family members, but don’t forget to save America!

Click on the image for the full size version.

H/T Harrison Keeley

GopherLink! Adam and Eve in the "friend zone." Check it out.

Review: Final Fantasy IV (Replay)

I've recently been on kick of playing old (are they old enough to be called "vintage?") video games and I've come to one of the three or four games that dropped me into the role-playing game genre. In Final Fantasy IV (originally released as Final Fantasy II in the states), we several groundbreaking innovations that took place.

This is, as far as I can tell research-wise, the first game (released on Super Nintendo in 1991) that really made use of the big cast, epic storyline that would become a staple of role-playing games to this day. You also had the advent of "active" turn-based fighting. So you go to a special screen during battle and have dozens of decisions for how to fight (unlike other hack-and-slash role-playing games like Zelda, where you have only a handful but don't have a special screen), but while you're deciding, the enemy can still attack you. It doesn't sound too impressive today, but World of Warcraft, Dragon Quest, Star Ocean, Radiata Stories all owe homage to this game.

Here's a brief overview of the story:

The player takes the role of Cecil, a Dark Knight from the Kingdom of Baron, on his journey to save the world from the evil Golbez. Struggling to prevent Golbez from acquiring powerful Crystals, Cecil learns of his heritage and travels through three realms to battle Golbez's minions. His lover, best friend, and other warriors join him for the adventure.

Final Fantasy IV introduced innovations that became staples of the Final Fantasy series and role-playing games in general. Its "Active Time Battle" system was used in six subsequent Final Fantasy games. With its character-driven plot, use of new technologies (such as Mode 7) and critically acclaimed score by Nobuo Uematsu, Final Fantasy IV is regarded as a landmark of the series and of the role-playing genre.

And if Wikipedia says it, it must be true. I should also note that this game remains so enormously popular to this day, that his spawned three re-releases and recent sequel that I hope to do a review of shortly. I'm going to have a difficult time not being biased in terms positives and negatives, so for this game, I'm going to focus on a typography of what's key in terms of the game.

(1) Redemption is a major theme.

There's a conversion! And it's better than the one in Left Behind (not hard). It's perhaps a non-religious conversion, but it certainly redemptive. During the course of the game, the protagonist Cecil Harvey must cease being a dark knight to become a paladin (a holy knight). During his time as a dark knight, he attacks a town called Mysidia. But once realizing his king is corrupt, he turns against him and in the midst of travelling to confront him, Cecil and his party are shipwrecked. The wreck leaves Cecil back Mysidia, where he is understandably not welcomed. But the elders warn him that if he's fighting evil with evil, he will have no success. So he's sent to an ancient monument on Mt. Ordeals where he will have to "part from his past" in order to gain the power of paladin. The monument tells him he must:

"Conquer your Darkness within! If you can't overcome your past self, the sacred power of Light will not accept you."

And on the mountain, Cecil fights himself. There are several ghosts of "sin" discussed in the confrontation. He doesn't allow his friends to help him fight, saying:

"This is my own fight! I must defeat him to amend for my past guilt."

There's also a plea for pacifism as well.

"To be a real Paladin, you must not fight now. Justice is not the only right in this world."

And at the end of the story, Cecil's brother, Golbez (who is the antagonist for much of the story), tries to destroy big bad guy Zemus. But Golbez, is unfortunately, a dark knight and can't do it. Cecil the Paladin is able to destroy him, with the help of prayers from earth (they call it "wishes" but everyone is going prostrate and reciting liturgy. I'm sorry politically correct translator--that's called a "prayer").

(2) Self-Sacrifice is a major theme.

During the course of the story, there are three major incidents of self-sacrifice.

(a) Sage Tellah uses a powerful spell to fight off Golbez (antagonist) and protect his friends, revenge his daughters death. He knows using the spell will kill him, and it does.
(b) Karateman Yang Fang Leiden destroys a cannon to save those who would have been killed by it's blast. He manages to survive (?) but for the majority of game we're pretty sure he's toast.
(c) Engineer Cid Pollendina basically performs a suicide bombing to save his friends from attackers. He also manages to survive (?).

The Lunarian FuSoYa (who wins the award for weirdest name) does get a little preachy near the end:

Zemus: "I will not perish as long as there is evil in the hearts of people."
FuSoYa: "Evil in our minds will never disappear...We are all both evil and good in our minds...So long as evil exists, so does good."

(3) Creation story:

Basically, we have the case of "really-smart-aliens-come-to-earth-and-some-are-really-bad-and-some-are-really-good" story plot. You'll find the creation story in here:

The Lunarians are a race of human-like wizards who came from a world destroyed which became the asteroid belt, and are identified by a moon-shape crest on their foreheads. They created the second moon that revolves around the world the story takes place on, resting until a time they believe their kind can co-exist with humans. The only known full-blood Lunarians are Fusoya, the guardian of the Lunarians; Zemus, a restless Lunarian who plans on destroying life on Earth so his kind, alone, can inhabit the planet; and Kluya, who is believed to be the first Lunarian to interact with humans. In fact, Kluya fell in love with a human, and had at least two sons with her: Theodor, whom Zemus corrupted and renamed Golbez; and the younger brother raised by the King of Baron as Cecil.

100 Confessions: Killing Me Loudly, Pt. 2

(81) Living alone almost killed me...literally.

I had no awareness of healthy eating habits while I was living alone. A typical day looked something like this:

(Breakfast) Tall glass of orange juice, leftover pizza
(Lunch) Tall glass of gatorade, tacos
(Afternoon) Heavy workout with a long run, situps and weightlifting. Afterwards, drink a glass of a water and another tall glass of orange juice.
(Dinner) More pizza and Dr. Pepper.

So yeah. I got an ulcer my senior year of college. It wasn't pleasant.

100 Confessions: Killing Me Loudly

(80) Living alone almost killed me...literally.

During my time in the trailer, I liked to make eggs and bacon some mornings for breakfast. One day after having said breakfast, I left and came home to a very thick, odd smell in my motorhome. As it turns out, I'd left the gas on. No problem, I thought. So I turned off the burner. About fifteen minutes later, while relating this story to a friend, I decided to cook myself some shrimp. So I turned the gas on again and lit the burner.

From what I'm told, that much trapped gas usually would have made my trailer explode. Thank God it leaked.

Classroom Quote: A Cause to Fight For

During one stretch of the semester, I have students follow a blog. One particular student this semester decided to follow the "Kindness" blog at USA Today. Result:

Greg: "So what's going on at the Kindness blog?"

Student: "Well, they had a really interesting article on breast awareness. Even though breast awareness month is done, there are ways we can keep breast awareness going the whole year--"

Greg: "Umm...Do you mean 'Breast Cancer Awareness?'"

(Uproarious laughter)

Greg: "Although I'm glad you mentioned that cause. Guys in particular will have no problem getting behind that one!"

The Real Reason Newspapers Are Dying?

Ah. See! Columbia has fixed the problem of newspapers. We develop journalists who also (kinda) rap. We just need to have this guy rap the top stories of the day--a sort of revisited age of News Ballads.

What Happened to "How I Met Your Mother?"

How I Met Your Mother is dragging. I know, I know. I love How I Met Your Mother, but we're beginning to feel the strain of the "who is the mother?" story line. Part of the problem is that the key plot line of the show (Ted finding Mrs. Right) has dragged on now into the fifth season. This is probably the result of the money makers realizing that they can get more money out of a show if they drag it out. We were feeling this same thing in season three of LOST with the "will they get off the island" question. There, they artfully answered the question while raising others that kept (most) people watching.

And granted, How I Met Your Mother is not your typical sitcom. Here's the Chicago Tribune:

A lot has been written about the supposed demise - and even the comeback - of the half-hour comedy on network television. Traditional sitcoms, we’re often told, are too stodgy and predictable and are just not cutting it anymore, while “single-camera” comedies such as “The Office, “My Name Is Earl” and “30 Rock” are all the rage.

But the line between “30 Rock” and “HIMYM” is not that distinct. Just as “Ugly Betty” isn’t quite a comedy and isn’t just a drama, “HIMYM” is something of a hybrid.

For one thing, some “single-camera” shows use more than one camera at a time. And though “HIMYM” does have a laugh track, the fact that the laughs (from a studio audience that watches a tape of the show) are put in after filming means the comedy is not “a slave to the audience” as executive producer Greg Malins says.

How I Met Your Mother is unique show and it has a unique problem. Ted's future wife could be any number of women who've gone through his life--or some mysterious, yet unmet person. The problem How I Met Your Mother faces is that whoever the mother is will have to have a strong on-screen presence--strong enough to stand on equal footing with actors/actresses we've seen onscreen for years. This trumps even the problem with Castaway: we have Tom Hanks alone on camera for almost two hours and only maybe twenty minutes of the wife, yet she's supposed to hold the audience. In the case of Castaway it worked, because of Helen Hunt. I have to argue that How I Met Your Mother will need an equally strong, if not stronger, presence to introduce the mother.

But that said, here are some quotes from everyone's favorite skirt chaser:

(Barney talking about how easy it is to run a marathon)
Barney: "Step 1: You start running. There is no Step 2."

(Talking about Barney's dating strategies)
Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time

(Lily asks Barney to come with her for wedding dress shopping)
Barney: I can’t go, I’ve got this thing….
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis.

Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.

(Ted talks about visiting a girl and her family)
Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story

Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.
Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?
Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank.

(talking about Carl the bartender)
Lily: These look kinda like blood.
Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
Barney: That's ridiculous.
Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.
Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender.

[Barney just discovered he did not sire a baby with his latest conquest and tells Marshall about it]
Barney: Marshall, great news: I'm not a father.
Marshall: Congratulations. [Shakes Barney's hand]
Barney: I know, this is the happiest moment of my life! Marshall, the way I feel about not having kids. I never knew I could love something this much. That's why, I'm creating a holiday. From now on, today will be known as "Not A Father's Day"!
Marshall: Wow, you're creating a holiday.
Barney: Why not? Everybody gets a day - mothers, fathers, Bastille's...why can't there a be a day for those who are single and like it that way?

100 Confessions: A Dream Job...as a college student again?

Note: Apologies for not posting. This has been a crazy month of graduate school, work and repeated sicknesses. It would be fair to say my closest mates in the past month have been Halls and Kleenex.

(79) Weird things happen when I sleep. My wife says I steal all the covers (lies, I'm convinced. She throws them my direction). And I've noted some weird dreams, etc.

Last night, I dreamed that I was back in my college newspaper office. I recently visited said location, but to do recruiting for my study-abroad journalism program. And in my dream, I was offered the chance to return their as the student newspaper Editor-in-Chief. Which would (a) be strange because I don't attend the school any longer, (b) be more strange because I would take a fairly severe salary cut, (c) be even more strange because I'll have experience (and soon a degree) that would separate me significantly from a college-age crowd and (d) be a twisted way of reliving some of my favorite memories.

I suppose the place has been on my mind because of my recent visit there. When I was editor in chief of the paper, I did work with some exceptionally talented people. Some of what I was proud of my last year on staff, when I served as Editor-in-Chief, are below. Some seem humble now that I've worked in mainstream journalism three years. But for my campus, journalism (and I mean real journalism) was still a very new thing.

(1) "There's Something About Mary"--this was an opinion piece written by a talented Catholic journalist on how Catholics were at times unfairly treated on campus. Huge response. She illustrated that our paper wasn't going to pull punches.

(2) The Urban Youth Impact spread--it was a mixture of some fabulous photography from our photo editor and a feature length profile on a charity in town that worked with inner-city kids. It really dealt with some of the difficulties, obstacles the organization faced.

(3) The Eating Disorder spread--this was a shared victory between one of our writers who wrote a straight forward article on the proliferation of eating disorders on campus while we had another writer share a first-person piece on her struggle with it. Very powerful stuff.

(4) The expose on central administration and the piece on the gay security guard--these are the two I wrote. And man did I put in some leg work for them. I was down at the courthouse for the lawsuit with the gay security guard (who was fired, ps) and the expose on central admin was a three part series on, essentially, why the organization was messed up. I'm still proud of my work on those.

(5) Gorbachev--the dude came near campus to speak. I'm still proud that I got one of our up-and-coming writers and our photo editor into the press conference. I'm fairly sure it was a first for our campus.

And I would link the article, but the archives are gone. Thus erasing all the work I did. Alas.

GopherLink! What the world would look like if the internet disappeared tomorrow. Laugh till you cry. Right here.

GopherLink! Found this story an email from about a year ago. Besides the election reference, it's still a completely relevant piece on the lack of evangelicals in newsrooms. Read more here.

Sesame Street's Grover discusses what Marriage is

Classic Quotes from "The Office"

Ladies, Gentleman: We have a stirring event coming up tomorrow--Jim and Pam's Wedding on The Office. If Obama was on at the same time, no one would watch. But part of my tradition, is that at the start of The Office each season, I compile a list of classic quotes from The Office (see here and here). Check out the preview of tomorrow's episode at the bottom!

Michael: I will be honest. The dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty. Like a piece of fine art by...any number of renowned artists. Or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude. But the women I'm getting fixed up with are...blech. Not that they aren't nice, or that they don't have great personalities, it's, they just lack a certain...Crawfordness.

Dwight: Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. That computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for thirteen out of the last twelve months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

(Jim tries to steal a copier with Dwight and Michael and accidentally runs into his ex-girlfriend, Karen)
Jim: Oh, no. I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not happy to be seeing you right now. I'm just saying ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal. I'd say it's equal. So good to see you.

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael grits teeth] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael struggling] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said.

Dwight: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No.
I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael: [To Martin Nash, who is black] Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Uh, not...

(Andy is seeking Jim's advice to get Pam on a date)
Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that...yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man.

Michael: [to Ryan during a "scared straight" seminar] You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball.

Jim: After you
Dwight: No thank you, I never let anyone walk in front of me
Jim: How come?
Dwight: 7/10 attacks come from the rear
Jim: That still leaves 3/10 attacks that could come from the front
Dwight: But I would block the attack, rendering it-
(Jim slaps him)

Jim: Ding dong.
Michael: Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael: Dwight get the door.
Dwight: I'm not answering the door.
Michael: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: No way. It's the KGB.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: I'm not answering that!
[Dwight and Michael start arguing as Jim is still ringing the doorbell]
Michael: Yes you're going to!
Dwight: I'm not going to answer it it's the KGB!--
Jim: [slaps Michael] It's the KGB we wait for no one!
Michael: Ha ha ha!
Dwight: [to camera] It's true.

(The episode where Michael imitates SurvivorMan)
Dwight: Do I believe Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no I do not.

Michael: When I was in training many years ago, not so long ago. I worked side by side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed we convinced them that they were crazy. Another time Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. The guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.

100 Confessions: Goths and Ice Skating

(78) For a short amount of time, I operated under the revelation that goths were huge ice skating fans.

Here's the story:

Mimi and I were living in Florida. There's a bit of a shortage of ice skating in Florida. So we found a local place that did it and decided to make a date out of it. So we went to a local diner we'd wanted to try then put on our coats and headed over the ice skating rink. When we got out of the car, I noticed the parking lot was full...but....

It was really odd how many goths were there. They were seated in long lines along the sidewalk, smoking at their car, etc. The were dressed in all black, dark eye shadow (girls and boys alike), facial piercings, bright red lipstick (just girls) and very poky hair. I was really confused. But Mimi and I felt like we learned something new.

Greg: "So goths are really into ice skating..."
Mimi: "I guess its cold so it keeps your makeup from running..."

We opened up the doors to the ice skating rink and were blasted with death metal music. The rink was shut down for a One Night ONLY performance of "Vampires and Ice Cream." They were using a lot of bad words and talking about killing kittens so Mimi and I decided it wasn't for us.

So we didn't get to ice skate. Alas.

100 Confessions: Shame

(77) I don't believe in shame as a tool for motivation. Some leaders seem to think if they make a person feel shamed enough, it'll keep them on the straight and narrow. I'm convinced it just makes them feel shamed, but then I've always preferred the carrot to the stick.

With one exception.

When I first started running the local community group for local middle schoolers and high schoolers, I didn't have a organization credit card. I was just a college kid. So I ended up buying things with my own money and then asking for reinbursement (not a fun system). Usually this wasn't a bad scenario. Well for Christmas one year, I got the kids all T-shirts emblazoned with the name of our community group. They went nuts for them. Unfortunately, they cost $400. So imagine my surprise when I turn in my receipts to the account and then hear that the local church board woman is unwilling to reimburse me. Although the purchase of these T-shirts was approved by my director and by the rest of the staff, she didn't personally feel it was legitimate.

I tried calling her. I tried emailing her. Silence. Well a week before Christmas, I went to her local church and they were holding a Christmas Boutique. There she was with all her friends. So I walked right up in the middle of her friends and said this:

"Hello, Miss C._____. My name's Greg Perreault and I'm the one who works with the local community group. I really need you to reimburse me for the money I spent on the kids so that I can buy Christmas presents for my family."

She flushed bright red, and started stuttering over her words over the intense gaze of her friends. She couldn't sign that form fast enough.

LOST on Flash Forward

LOST makes an appearance on the pilot of the new pre-apocalyptic show Flash Forward. Anyone see the reference?

H/T the illustrious Tom Peeling.

100 Confessions: Birthday

(76) Like Smeagol, I take advantage of my birthday.

Four days before my birthday:
Wife: What do you want to make for dinner?
Greg: Let's go out! It is my birthday next week.

Two days before my birthday:
Wife: Wow, it's cold in here. (Signal that I should turn up the A/C)
Greg: Yes, it really is. Can you turn up the air. It is my birthday in two days.

This week I started four days out and found success. Next week, I'm going to try a whole week in advance and see if I can stretch the birthday privileges....

StormTroopers and 9-11: Too Soon?

Oooh. Kinda funny but...too soon?

100 Confessions: Foucault

(75) My first semester in grad school, I literally read Foucault in every class. Don't know who he is? If you pursue a graduate degree, you will. Promise.

The guy is everywhere. He's brilliant yes.

Does anyone really know what he's saying?

Kinda.

100 Confessions: American Catholic

(74) My oddest Church experience:

I was in Washington, D.C. for a semester internship. One Sunday, my roommate and I decided to adventure out and try some random church. I didn't have my glasses on and from a distance I saw a sign for an "American Catholic" Church. What is that? Sounded good though. So I walked up the church, met the priest. The priest was dressed in all red and had torso-length dreadlocks.

After I took a seat it struck me that this wasn't a very diverse congregation. The priest came up to talk with us.

Me: "How is American Catholic different from Roman Catholic?"
Priest: "Actually, it's African-American Catholic. You all sit tight and enjoy the service!"

It did seem odd to us when a girl came out and did a sort belly dance on the altar. The priest got in there and did some dancing too. As it turns out, the priest was a defrocked Roman Catholic priest who started his own church after allegedly molesting a young girl. He argues that it's all a lie and the Roman Catholic church is racist.

Wild experience.

GopherLink! Calvary Nudist Baptist Church of Tyler, TX. Only in Texas. Is this real? Should I be able to ask that question? Website (clean) here. H/T Rod Dreher

100 Confessions: Copy Editing

(73) I did a brief stint in copy editing at my first newspaper job. It didn't last because I would get crazy stories. Really crazy stories. One reporter would commonly turn in 6000-word stories. The news hole was 600 words. And my job was to make it fit.

I would basically end up rewriting the story. One time the reporter in question covered a local council meeting that was completely a transcription, no journalistic structure in the midst of it. In the middle of the story, I finally found a quotation. There was no attribution and to this day, I have no idea was it's about. But I ended up nearly on the floor.

"She likes to do it. She's so good. I really like the way she does it for me. Let's keep having her do it."

There may have been some reference to lawn-mowing about 1000 words higher. But I had to bring the quote to my editor and say "Look, I know you want a quote for this piece, but what the heck do I do with this?"

100 Confessions: Headlines

(72) I'm a sucker for hilarious headlines screw-ups.

My favorite of all time comes from my editor at my first newspaper, the Town-Crier. He was working in New Jersey. The two best football teams were Catholic schools: Pope John Paul II High School and Christ Our Savior High School. So, of course, one sports headline ended up as:

"Pope John Paul Slaughters Christ Our Savior"

100 Confessions: Trailer Park

(71) In college, I was too cheap to live in the dorm so I lived in a trailer park off-campus. Granted, I lived in my parents RV (which was the luxury sedan of the trailer park). But I still consider it a cross-cultural experience. I may have been the only person there who had a job and the only person who didn't have a tattoo.

I'll never forget one day I was grilling some burgers outside in the middle of the day (no class, no work), and I saw a enormously overweight man breaking up a fight between two enormously overweight women. The guy, who was shirtless by the way, was apparently married to one of the women but was caught in bed with the other. It was the oddest experience. I remember thinking "how in the world did this guy get one girl, let alone two?"

It was a great place though. When my wife and I started dating we planted a garden in the front yard. But when Hurricane Frances came through, the rain just absolutely flooded thing. I had black mold and it was totaled by the insurance company. Before I left I went to dig up the garden I'd planted. It had survived the hurricane, but while I was gone someone had stolen my hibiscus. Yes, a hibiscus. Five dollars at Wal-Mart. Who steals a hibiscus?

100 Confessions: Hogwarts

(70) Given the opportunity, I would totally go to Hogwarts. Enough of this Georgetown crap, I'll learn how to "Septum Sempra" and "Expeliomous." Why spend time learning about the methods of media coverage in American civic life when I could learn how to summon a unicorn to scare away guys in black cloaks? Way more useful. I'd use it every weekend when the goths invade Chinatown to have frozen yogurt.

Oh and only posers would actually eat those "Every Flavor Beans." Its inevitable. At some point they'd end up eating "Toenail," "Crap" or "Raw Toe."

100 Confessions: Batman

(69) Batman is freckin' awesome. I did go through a Superman phase as a kid, but when the Tim Burton "Batman" came out, I converted. The thing of it is, Batman doesn't have superpowers to rely on, but he still kicks butt. He also has a dark-and-twisted past. He becomes the Hemingway Anti-Hero Hero.

100 Confessions: Toys and Stuffed Animals

(68) As a kid, I was sure that my toys and stuffed animals had feelings. This contributed to a very messy room because I didn't want any of them to feel left out if they needed to go in the storage box. It also brought about pangs of guilt if I hadn't played with some of them in a while. (I partially attribute this to a Christmas movie about toys that come to life when their owner is gone. If the owner forgets about them, they die.) The one time I did finally say "Enough, time to get rid of some of this stuff" I think I almost cried when the stuff was gone from my room.

Note to self: tell future children that inanimate objects DO NOT have feelings. It will save heartache.

Tales from DC: Quotable Boss

Heard in the classroom last week:

Boss: "Lutheranism had a hold on Germany for centuries. It really was the quinessential German religion until Hitler came around."
Greg: "Man, Hitler just ruins everything."

Another one:

Boss: "Washington, D.C. is made up something I call the Iron Triangle. The Iron Triangle is the world of journalism in one corner, the world of politics in another, and the world of causes, academia, think tanks in another. The Iron Triangle--"
Greg: "Would be an awesome sporting event name. Can you imagine? 'Welcome to the Iron Triangle!'"

Believe it or not, I'm pretty sure my job isn't interrupting class with random asides.

GopherLink! Harry Potter and the Douche bag Magicians! Watch it here.

GopherLink! Egyptian Law No. 100 and why it destroys press freedom. Read more here.

100 Confessions: My Five LEAST favorite books

(67) My Five LEAST favorite books:

(1) Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard
Reason: This Pultizer-prize winning story captures the dichotomy of beauty and death. Dillard writes this in first person as she spends years recording what happens in nature If anyone cried as much as Annie Dillard in that story, they would be on anti-depressants. She could have a spiritual revelation while taking a dump.

(2) The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks
Reason: imagine reading Lord of the Rings if Tolkien was an awful writer and clearly ripping off other people's material. That's The Sword of Shannara.

(3) Eragon by Christopher Paolini
Reason: this is mainly principal. If you were a young aspiring fantasy writer, what would be your wet dream? Two parents in publishing. Paolini's wet dream was real. Both his parents were in publishing, and, we get the impression, kind of helped him through the process. Once it's finished, they have easy access to speaking engagements in schools, etc. to promote the book. And on a narrative note, the only author more derivative that Christopher Paolini is Terry Brooks.

(4) Living Dead in Dallas by Charlene Harris
Reason: After writing a blockbuster first novel Dead Until Dark, Charlene Harris writes a sequel that has none of the narrative mystery, flair or even sex appeal of the first book. Someone should tell her that there are other ways to bring sex appeal to book rather than actually having a sex scene every chapter. It's like 007 became a woman...and started sleeping with vampires. The sweet, innocent girl we fell in love with in Dead Until Dark kisses at least three different guys in this one and tries every position you can imagine in this one. And ones you can't really imagine. Because they're vampires.

(5) Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
Reason: I know it's a harsh thing to say about the second-most read book of all time (next to the Bible), but I really did think the book is awful. I left Pilgrim's Progress really hating Christian, the main character. And more than that, I was furious at having "Christian" represent my religion. He was an a**hole. I left the book thinking that I'd rather be left outside the castle than spend my life walking on eggshells with that dude. I know, I know. It was a different time period, but hey, so was the Bible. I can still read that and think Jesus was chill.

The Social Media Revolution

Is social media a fad? Or the biggest change since the Industrial Revolution?

Sony releases the "slim"

Sony just announced the release of their new "slim" PS3 with 120GB harddrive, less energy use and less space use.

I'm really regretting the ridiculous amount of money I spent on the 60 GB PS3. That said, it doesn't look like this will have the same reverse compatibility features of the 60 GB (which is why I got that in the first place).

It is however, cheaper than the "fat" PS3s and significantly smaller. Sony's still a contender, folks.

100 Confessions: Sad Things

(66) I like sad things. Sad music, depressing stories, mournful movies; all in a days work. My wife, the optimist who likes happy things occasionally has to sit through my media intake. Her brow furrows and she usually asks questions like, "Why do you like such depressing stuff?"

For my part, I think it's because my life's good. But I like to be reminded that it's better than other peoples. This is also why I read obituaries.

100 Confessions: Hurricanes

(65) I'm a hurricane pro. I grew in Florida. I weathered Andrews, Charlie, Frances, Jeanne, Wilma and all the ones in between. We got three or four a year and usually there was at least one every two years that really hit hard. But you have to remember "hit hard" is a relative term. There's a reason Florida houses are ugly--they're built to withstand hurricanes. We never had any real fear we'd lose our house, but we would worry about stuff falling on our cars and flooding.

For hard-hitters, we boarded up windows, gott water, ice, gas for the generator, etc. Many hit at night so you sat indoors with your family, playing monopoly by candlelight or reading books together. If they hit during the day, we would watch the wind whip around the trees and place bets on whose palm tree would crumble (never was ours).

It was actually a family and community building event. You knew that in the next day(s) you wouldn't have power, so people would empty out their freezers and throw the defrosting food on the grill. Neighbors you'd never talked to in your life suddenly became grill mates and you'd talk about the storm, the damage, etc.

It may sound crazy, but as a kid, I looked forward to them. The sheer force and magnitude of them is amazing. You get time off school. You party with people on block. Your family spends time with you that doesn't involve staring at TV screen and only talking between commercial breaks.