100 Confessions: A Urinal Typology

(54) I'm a businessman urinal user. This may sound confusing (especially for you ladies, as there is not, to the best of my knowledge, an equivalent experience). The urinal has it's own culture. For example, when there are multiple open urinals, it's socially required that you put a urinal's distance between you and the next dude. Only when forced to by crowds or an overextended bladder, may you pull up in the urinal directly next to another dude.
So I have prepared a typology of urinal behavior. There are four basic types of urinal users:

1) The priest- When he's at the urinal, he's staring up at the heavens. This is "I'm-too-good-for-this" guy. He will likely not talk during his stay in the bathroom. This is even true if you know the dude. He doesn't need to stare down into the urinal, he has faith everything will turn out okay.

2) The businessman- When he's at the urinal, he stares straight ahead. This is "Takin'-care-of-business" guy. You go in, you do your business, you get out. However, the businessman will be willing to have slightly more communication that the priest. For example, at a rest stop in New Jersey, there was a more than awkward moment where a dad brought his son into a stall to change his diaper and the son let phrases rip like "No, Daddy don't!" "Please leave my pants alone!" "Why is the door locked?!" and "Mommy help me!" In this situation, it was socially acceptable for the businessman to chuckle at the urinal, but the dude doth not engage in conversation until away from the urinal. Once at the sink, conversation may resume with "poor guy" exclamations.

3) The Scientist/Sharpshooter- When he's at the urinal, he's staring down. This is "What's-going-on-down-there" guy. It's hard to differentiate whether this dude is a scientist, making sure everything checks out; or a sharpshooter aiming for the urinal cake, hoping hit just right so the flush water turns pink. Generally, this dudes are as a reserved as the priests. They're either thinking "Gray's Anatomy" or "Parker Hale Model 85".

4) The Networker- When he's at the urinal, he talking with the people beside him. This is "Way-too-comfortable-at-the-urinal" guy. People beside him may think he is a Peeker (secret fifth member of the typology, but my typology doesn't include freaks), but nah, he just feels like talking to the people beside him. He figures, hey if I'm going to be in here, might as well chat it up. It is unlikely, however, that he will exchange business cards in the bathroom.